C16T4W2 - 社会生活类 - 无人驾驶

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status

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summary

我的写作

思路

driverless 无人驾驶

人们都会变成乘客

全部 all cars, buses, trucks

你是否认为无人驾驶汽车的好处大于坏处？给出原因和例子。

我个人认为好处大于坏处。

降低因为人为因素而造成的交通事故。【对社会层面以及个人的好处】

注意要强调因为人为因素，因为无人驾驶汽车不代表着不发生交通事故。

解放了人们的双手，让人们在通勤的时候可以享受自己的时间，拥有更多可支配时间。【对个人的好处】

要写坏处吗？【不确定】

As smart driving technology emerges, it is projected that all vehicles including cars, buses and trucks will free people from driving. People no longer need to be drivers, instead, they can go anywhere they want and enjoy the view along the way, just being passengers. Thus, I think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, traffic incidents caused by human factors such as drunk driving or sudden heart attack would be diminished. Unpredictable abrupt diseases and drunk driving have been two main killers of traffic accidents. Traffic events would also be decreased as people no longer rely on their subjective adjustments and lagging responses when facing emergencies. 【两点论据】With driverless vehicles replacing human as drivers, the probability of trafic safety would increase a lot, which also make the society more stable.

On the other hand, everyone on the vehicles can enjoy their time on the way without worring【拼写错误】 about disturbing drivers. Workers can focus on their work and deal with business even when there is no driver. Parents can enjoy outside views together with their children without leaving behind anyone. From this perspective, with everyone becoming passengers, driverless cars will become a more socialized place for everyone to enjoy without the need to worry about distracting drivers.

It is understandable that safety issues are not solved thoroughly only with driverless driving. But we can’t admit the safety rates would rise by getting rid of human factors which are main cause for today’s traffic accidents. To summarize, the benefits of driverless vehicles outweigh its demerits from both safety side and individual experience.

ChatGPT评价【表达不够地道；反面论证太单薄；逻辑连贯需提升】

好的，我会根据 雅思写作评分标准（Task 2，0–9 分），给你的作文做详细评分和点评，并指出提升建议。我们从四个核心评分维度分析：

1. Task Response (任务完成度)

评分：Band 7.0–7.5

优点：

明确表达了自己的观点：认为无人驾驶的好处大于坏处。

提供了两大主要理由：

安全性提升（减少人为因素导致的交通事故）

个人自由和效率提升（解放双手，可在通勤中处理工作或享受时间）

提供了相关例子和解释，例如“drunk driving、sudden heart attack” 和“enjoy outside views with children”。

在结尾段总结了自己的观点，并提到了两个方面（社会安全和个人体验）。

缺点 / 可提升点：

虽然提到了安全问题，但对可能的 劣势或风险（如技术故障、黑客攻击、法律责任等）讨论不够充分，略显单薄。

有些句子逻辑有点重复，例如“Traffic events would also be decreased as people no longer rely on their subjective adjustments…” 与前一句意思类似，可进一步压缩或整合。

论证稍显一般化，部分例子可以更具体、数据化或情境化。

建议：

在一篇 250+ 词文章中，尽量 至少提及一条潜在劣势并给出反驳，这会让论证更完整。

使用更多具体场景或数据，例如“According to research by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, human error accounts for nearly 94% of traffic accidents…”

2. Coherence and Cohesion (连贯性与衔接)

评分：Band 7.5–8.0

优点：

使用了一些连接词，如 On the one hand, On the other hand, To summarize。

段落结构清晰：引言 → 安全性优势 → 个人体验优势 → 结论。

观点之间有一定逻辑顺序，易于理解。

缺点 / 可提升点：

有些衔接词使用不够丰富，多次出现简单的“On the one hand / On the other hand”。

部分句子衔接稍微生硬，例如“Traffic events would also be decreased as people no longer rely on their subjective adjustments and lagging responses when facing emergencies.” 可以拆成两句，更利于阅读和逻辑突出。

引入观点的方式略平淡，可以使用更高级的连接词：Moreover, In addition, Furthermore, Consequently, This suggests that…

建议：

增加更多高级衔接词，并尝试句内衔接（例如使用分号或定语从句）来增强句子间逻辑。

3. Lexical Resource (词汇与表达)

评分：Band 7.0–7.5

优点：

使用了一些较高级词汇和短语：emerges, diminished, subjective adjustments, predictable abrupt diseases

可以表达态度和对比，如 On the one hand / On the other hand

表达清晰，读者能理解意思

缺点 / 可提升点：

拼写错误：trafic → traffic, worring → worrying

有些词汇搭配不够自然：the probability of trafic safety would increase a lot → 更自然的表达是 the likelihood of traffic accidents would decrease significantly

词汇重复，如 driverless vehicles, people, passengers 可以适当用同义词替换：autonomous cars, commuters, occupants

个别表达不够地道：become a more socialized place → 可改为 become a more sociable environment

socialize verb 使适应社会

sociable adj. (of people人) enjoying spending time with other people好交际的；合群的；友好的

synonym gregarious

建议：

注重 地道搭配与同义替换，减少重复。

使用更自然的短语和固定表达，提升整体词汇精准度。

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (语法多样性与准确性)

评分：Band 7.0–7.5

优点：

使用了复杂句：Traffic events would also be decreased as people no longer rely on their subjective adjustments and lagging responses when facing emergencies.

有从句、被动语态、虚拟条件句的尝试。

基本语法结构准确，能够表达复杂观点。

缺点 / 可提升点：

个别语法错误或表达不够准确：

which also make the society more stable → which would also make society more stable
we can’t admit the safety rates would rise by getting rid of human factors → 语义不够清晰，可改为 we cannot ignore the fact that safety rates are likely to rise if human error, the main cause of traffic accidents, is eliminated

句式多样性尚可，但可尝试使用更多强调句、倒装句、条件句等高级结构。

建议：

注意 主谓一致 和虚拟语气的准确使用。

多使用多种句式和分号、破折号等标点来增加句子复杂性。

5. 总体评分（估计 Band）

项目	评分
Task Response	7.0–7.5
Coherence & Cohesion	7.5–8.0
Lexical Resource	7.0–7.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy	7.0–7.5
Overall Band	7.5

总体评价：文章逻辑清楚，观点明确，论证基本充分，词汇和语法具备较高水平。但缺乏对劣势的充分讨论，个别词汇搭配不够地道，语法和拼写有轻微错误。可通过增强例证、丰富词汇、使用更高级句式和自然表达提升至 Band 8+。

6. 提升建议

丰富论证：提及至少一条潜在劣势，并给出反驳，增强 Task Response。

词汇精准化：替换重复词汇，使用自然搭配和地道短语（如 autonomous cars, commuters, enhance safety）。

语法多样性：尝试倒装句、强调句、条件句，以及更复杂的分句组合。

拼写与细节：注意 traffic, worrying, probability 等基础单词拼写。

衔接高级化：使用更多连接词和分句衔接，使文章读起来更顺畅、逻辑更紧密。

ChatGPT修改后的我的作文

标蓝：逻辑衔接词

As autonomous driving technology continues to advance, it is widely predicted that in the future all vehicles, including cars, buses, and trucks, will operate without human drivers. People will no longer need to focus on driving and can instead travel solely as passengers. In my view, the advantages of driverless vehicles far outweigh their disadvantages.

Expressions

autonomous driving technology 自动驾驶技术

这里大概替换driverless driving 无人驾驶，因为无人驾驶是自动驾驶驱动的

continue to advance 继续发展

替换 emerge

it is widely predicted 预测

加了widely 更严谨

operate 替换 drive

solely 替换 only

One of the most significant benefits is the potential for enhanced road safety. Traffic accidents caused by human factors, such as drunk driving sudden health emergencies, or delayed reactions to unexpected situations, account for the majority of road incidents. By replacing human drivers with intelligent systems, the likelihood of such accidents would decrease substantially, contributing to a more stable and secure society. Although autonomous vehicles cannot completely eliminate traffic risks, removing the element of human error would represent a major step forward in accident prevention.

Expressions

traffic accidents 交通事故

human factors 人为因素

drunk driving 酒后驾驶

sudden health emergencies 突发医疗事故；突发健康问题

delayed reactions to unexpected situations 面对突发情况反映迟钝

词汇搭配不够自然：the probability of traffic safety would increase a lot → 更自然的表达是 the likelihood of traffic accidents would decrease significantly

eliminate 消除；排除

替换我的get rid of或者remove

In addition to improving safety, driverless vehicles would allow passengers to make better use of their commuting time. People could focus on work, study, or leisure activities during their journeys rather than concentrating on the road. Families could enjoy the scenery together, and business travelers could handle emails or meetings en route without any distraction. From this perspective, autonomous vehicles would transform travel into a more productive and enjoyable experience, enhancing both individual well-being and social interactions.

Expressions

make better use of their commuting time 更好地利用出行时间

en route /ˌɑ̃ː ˈruːt/, /ˌɑːn ˈruːt/ (from French源自法语) on the way; while travelling from/to a particular place 在途中；在路上

It is true that technical issues, cybersecurity concerns, and legal challenges remain potential drawbacks. However, continuous technological development and rigorous safety regulations can mitigate these risks over time. On balance, the combination of improved safety and increased personal convenience makes driverless vehicles overwhelmingly beneficial.

Expressions

第一句突然蹦出来一个网络空间安全？ cybersecurity concerns

cybersecurity n. /ˈsaɪbəsɪkjʊərəti/ [U] measures that are taken to protect against the criminal use of electronic data 网络（空间）安全

drawback [C] 缺点；不利条件

同义替换 disadvantage, snag

snag

snag n. /snæɡ/ (informal非正式用语) a problem or difficulty, especially one that is small, hidden or unexpected（尤指不严重的、潜在的、意外的）问题，困难，障碍，麻烦 synonym difficulty There is just one small snag—where is the money coming from? 只有一个小问题：钱从哪儿来？ Let me know if you run into any snags. 要是遇到什么麻烦就告诉我。 Extra Examples更多例句 Topics Difficulty and failureC2

In conclusion, while no technology is flawless, the elimination of human error and the opportunity to reclaim travel time ensure that the advantages of autonomous vehicles significantly outweigh their disadvantages, benefiting both society and individuals alike.

Expressions

科技不是完美无缺的 flawless

the elimination of human error 又是同义替换表达

reclaim 利用；取回

Word count: 270

参考文章

Band 4.0文章

TEST 4, WRITING TASK 2

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 4.0 score.

The Advantages of Driveless Vehicles

First of all number of vehicles is incease day after day which means ever day the world gets more drivers then before. If we admit that lots of people prefer to use public transport we do not have any doubts that many people use the vehicles because of advantages of driving.

The history shows us that the human like to move from place to another for many reasns and the always fell pleased when the rid. This days people have all kind of vehicles bicks, cars, motor…etc because they all have a different advantage.

people needs also can not meet at be found in one pleace for that reason people need to move from a plece to another place to meet thier needs which means the advantage of moving from point to anther point will be exist for ever.

World has bee changed a lot and many people have got great jobs with big salaries. The can easly fund thier vehicl and because people get feeling boring if the used to some thing they always perefer to chang thier vehicle from time to time.

Finally I think it is very hard to believe that the driverless vehicles with outweigh the disadvantages because people always find drive more and more give thier life meaning and add more advantage to it all kind of vehicles give happeness to a lot of people that they can not think about lossing it

参考译文

无人驾驶车辆的优势

首先，汽车的数量每天都在增加，这意味着世界上每天都比以前有更多的司机。如果我们承认很多人更喜欢使用公共交通工具，我们就不会怀疑许多人是因为开车的好处而那么做。

历史告诉我们，出于许多原因，人们喜欢从一个地方搬到另一个地方，他们总是感到高兴。现在人们有各种各样的交通工具，比如自行车、汽车、摩托车等等，因为这些各有不同的优势。

人们的需求也不能在一个地方得到满足，因此，人们需要从一个地方搬到另一个地方来满足他们的需求，这意味着从一处到另一处的好处将永远存在。

世界变化很大，很多人都找到了高薪的好工作。他们可以很容易买得起车，因为人们感到无聊，如果他们习惯了一些东西，他们总是喜欢时不时地换车。

最后，我认为很难相信无人驾驶车辆利大于弊，因为人们总会发现越来越多的驾驶赋予他们生命的意义，增加了更多的好处，给很多人带来快乐，无法想象没车的生活。

Here is the examiner’s comment:

Most of the ideas in this response are not relevant to the question. It mainly talks about the need people have to go from place to place and how people like different types of transport. However, there is a position expressed in the final paragraph. A title is not required in Task 2.

There is some attempt to organise the ideas and there are some basic cohesive devices [First of all | Finally], but there is inaccuracy and a general lack of coherence. There is no clear progression.

There is a high density of error in the use of vocabulary in terms of spelling and word choice [easly fund thier vehicl | perefer to chang thier]. Sentence structures are very limited, although there are some attempts at subordinate clauses [because they all have a different advantage].

参考译文

本文的大多数论点与题目不相关。文章主要谈论了人们需要到处走动，以及人们对于不同类型的交通工具的喜欢程度。不过，最后一段表达了观点。另外，Task 2不需要写标题。

文章试图组织观点，也有一些基本的衔接手段（First of all、Finally），但使用不准确，且普遍缺乏连贯性。文章缺少清晰的行文发展。

拼写和词汇选择方面存在大量错误（easly fund thier vehicl、perefer to chang thier）。句子结构非常有限，尽管尝试了使用从句（because they all have a different advantage）。