C20T1W1 - 表格 | Active Reading

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原题

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write at least 150 words.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

我的答案

The first table illustrates the changing population of New York City between 1800 and 2000, with the other two demonstrate both the population and percentage of residents living in Manhattan and other four districts (Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) of New York City over the same period.

The number of people of New York City in 2000 was more than 8 million, approximately four times of that in 1900 and eight times of that in 1800, at 3,437,202 and less than 80,000 respectively.

In 1800, most people who lived in New York City lived in Manhattan, with a number of 60,515, 76% of the total population of the city. As the total population increased sharply from less than 80,000 in 1800 to about 3,500,000 ten decades later, the percentage of population living in Manhattan however, dropped by 22% to 54% in 1900, with around 1,850,000 Manhattan residents. It is noticeable that the number of people living in other four districts jumped dramatically by astonishingly 30 times from 1,587,109 in 1800 to 6,671,089 in 2000, with percentage of total population at 24% to 81% respectively. In contrast, in the year of 2000, the number of people living in Manhattan was only three times of that in other districts, accounting for 19% of the total population in New York City.

ChatGPT评价

1️⃣ Task Achievement（任务完成度）

优点：

覆盖了主要信息，包括总人口变化和五个区的分布。

提到增长趋势和百分比变化，有进行一定比较。

采用了数据支持（数字 + 百分比）。

问题 / 改进点：

语言有些不够精确，例如 “The number of people of New York City in 2000 was more than 8 million” → 数据应明确准确（8,009,185）。

“jumped dramatically by astonishingly 30 times” → “astonishingly” 不够学术化，应使用 neutral formal style。

对区间比较可以更系统，例如可以提到 Manhattan vs other districts 的人口比重变化趋势，而不是零散数据。

有少量逻辑混乱：最后一句“Manhattan was only three times of that in other districts” → 数据理解错误，需检查原表（2000年曼哈顿 1,538,096 vs 其他四区 6,471,089，比例约 1:4，不是 3倍）。

✅ 建议：更准确引用数据、避免主观语气、逻辑更清晰、突出主要趋势和对比。

2️⃣ Coherence & Cohesion（连贯与衔接）

优点：

段落分明：总人口 → Manhattan → 其他四区。

使用了一些衔接词：“however”, “in contrast”。

问题 / 改进点：

段落内部衔接稍显生硬：“with the other two demonstrate both…” → 语法错误，应改为 “while the other two tables show…”。

“It is noticeable that…” → 可用更学术化连接词，如 “Notably” / “It is evident that”。

可以使用更多比较结构：e.g., “while …, … increased / decreased” 或 “compared with …, …”.

3️⃣ Lexical Resource（词汇资源）

优点：

使用了一些高级词汇：dramatically, noticeable, approximately。

问题 / 改进点：

有些词汇不够正式：astonishingly → avoid informal/colloquial words。

重复词较多：number of people / population → 可使用 “residents / inhabitants / populace”。

可增加更多学术性表达，如 “experienced a sharp increase / witnessed a decline / accounted for X% of total population”。

4️⃣ Grammatical Range & Accuracy（语法范围与准确性）

优点：

使用了一些复合句，如 “with the other four districts jumped dramatically …”。

问题 / 改进点：

“with the other two demonstrate both…” → 时态/结构错误，需改为 “while the other two tables demonstrate both…”

“approximately four times ~~of that~~ in 1900” → 正确表达应为 “approximately four times that of 1900”。

一些动词时态和数的一致性需要注意。

总体评分（模拟 Band）

评分项	评分	说明
Task Achievement	7.5	涵盖了主要趋势和对比，但个别数据引用不准确，主观词语使用过多
Coherence & Cohesion	7.5	段落清晰，但部分句子衔接生硬，逻辑可优化
Lexical Resource	7.0	词汇有一定多样性，但有非学术化表达和重复问题
Grammatical Range & Accuracy	7.0	有复合句和复杂句，但结构错误和用法不准确

整体 Band：7.5 → 8

✅ 如果改进数据精确度、学术词汇和语法，将可达到 Band 9。

9分满分 Task 1 改写示例（约 180 词）

The first table illustrates the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000, while the second and third tables provide detailed information on the population numbers and proportions in Manhattan and the other four boroughs (Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island) over the same period.

proportions 同义替换 percentage

borough 同义替换 districts ?

ChatGPT解释

Borough 是正式行政区划术语。

NYC 一共有 5 boroughs：Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island。
每个 borough 实际上是一个 县（county） 级别的行政单位。

District 通常不用于 NYC 的官方行政区，更多用于选区、学区等。

over the same period 时间段表达避免重复

Overall, the population of New York City increased substantially over the two centuries, rising from 60,515 in 1800 to 8,009,185 in 2000. Manhattan was the most populous borough at the beginning of the period, but its share of the total population declined over time, whereas the other four boroughs experienced a marked increase in both absolute numbers and proportion.

Overview 概括段的逻辑关联词 overall,

上升大 increased substantially

注意 substantially的拼写
注意时态过去式

over the two centuries 时间段同义替换 from 1800 to 2000

后面连接数据 rising from … in (年份) to… (数据) in (年份)

形容人口最多 be the most populous borough

at the beginning of the period 同义替换 in 1800

share of the total population 同义替换 percentage of the total population

over time 时间段的表述，避免重复

逻辑关联词 whereas 增加对比关系

上升大 i experienced a marked increase

动词换名词
marked 表示上升明显/显著

in both absolute numbers and proportion 数值和占比

In 1800, Manhattan accounted for 76% of the city’s population, with 60,515 residents, while the remaining boroughs together comprised only 24%. By 1900, the total population had grown to 3,437,202, of which Manhattan housed 1,850,000 residents, representing 54%. In contrast, the combined population of Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island increased significantly, reaching 6,471,083 by 2000 and accounting for 81% of the city’s total population. Manhattan’s population in 2000 was 1,537,195, representing only 19% of the city’s population, indicating a clear trend of population growth shifting towards the outer boroughs.

representing+数值或者比例

+比例就同义替换 accounting for 占比

In contrast 强调对比关系【一定要有对比数据的意识！】

逻辑：先写曼哈顿；后对比其他四个地区的变化趋势

house + 数值 residents 容纳/有…居民

reaching + 数据 by + 年份 and account for + 占比数值 of the city’s total population

最后一句 indicate 是主观推断还是依托客观数据写出的？

如果避免主观，最后半句可换成 , while the other boroughs accounted for the remaining 81%.

This data demonstrates that while New York City’s overall population grew steadily, the distribution of residents shifted from Manhattan to the other boroughs over the two centuries.

这段是否加存疑，因为Task 1结构是 intro+overview+body1+body2

🔑 改进要点总结

数据准确：引用精确数字和百分比。

逻辑清晰：总人口 → Manhattan → 其他四区 → 总结。

学术表达：避免主观词，如 “astonishingly”，使用 “marked increase / significant growth”。

多样句式：使用复合句和比较句（while, whereas, in contrast）。

词汇丰富：population, residents, boroughs, accounted for, absolute numbers, proportion。

参考

Band 5.5版

【考生作文】

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.

The first table shows changes in total population of New York city from 1800

to 2000. In 1800, New York’s population was 79.216 then in 100 years the population sharply increased as over 4 times in 1800. Next 100 years, it still became more as it increased over twice as much as in 1800. Other two tables show changes of population in five different areas in New York. In 1800 Manhattan has 60.515 On the other hand other four areas, Brookly, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island had only 18.701. Manhattan has almost three times more than group of other four cities also. It had 76% of population in New York. It tells us Manhattan was the busiest city in New York. In 1900, Manhattan’s populat increased sharply however, other broughs had bigger change. Population rate rise dramatically as 1587.109.

In 2000 other broughs had 6471.089 and 81% of population of New York. On the other hand Manhattan’s population has dicreased and it became only 19% of New York population. Last 200 years people chose to live differant cities in New York.

【考官评语】

Here is the examiner’s comment:

This response is a good attempt at the task; however, selected information is limited and there are some inaccuracies. For example, data for Manhattan are minimal, and there is some inaccuracy, [in 1900 ... other broughs had bigger change]. There is also a small error in the final sentence, [chose to live differant cities], this should be ‘different districts’ because the city is New York City. The score is also impacted by the lack of an overview. The last sentence is an attempt at an overview, but is not sufficiently specific.

The information is arranged coherently, with some good use of cohesive devices [then in | on the other hand | it | however] but there is repetition [on the other hand | in], and the range could be wider.

Vocabulary is generally adequate, with some good examples [sharply increased | dramatically | chose to live], but there are some noticeable spelling errors [populat | dicreased | differant]. Similarly, grammatical range is limited in this response. Some good use of comparative structures [increased over twice as much as |has almost three times more than | was the busiest]; however, there are errors, including choice of tenses and missing articles.

【参考翻译】

这篇回答较好地完成了任务，但所选信息较为有限，也存在一些不准确之处。例如，关于曼哈顿的数据非常少，还有一些错误，比如在1900年……其他行政区的人口变化更大。最后还有一点小错误，如“chose to live differant cities”应改为“different districts”，因为这里说的是纽约市内的不同区。

此外，由于缺乏一个总体概述，得分也受到了影响。最后一句话虽然尝试进行了总结，但内容不够具体。

文章的信息安排是连贯的，也使用了一些较好的衔接手段（例如：then in | on the other hand | it | however），但存在重复使用的情况（如on the other hand | in），连接词的多样性也可以更丰富一些。

词汇方面基本能够满足表达需要，也有一些不错的用法（如sharply increased | dramatically | chose to live），但拼写错误也比较明显（如populat | dicreased | differant）。

语法结构的使用范围较有限，虽然有一些比较结构使用得不错（increased over twice as much as | has almost three times more than | was the busiest），但也存在一些错误，包括时态的使用和冠词的遗漏。

B站kidden版 8分

邪修10分钟写出一篇8分小作文！！！C20 T1 T1 Table图写作【雅思写作】_哔哩哔哩_bilibili

The tables present data on how the total population of New York City changed across three given benchmark years of 1800, 1900 and 2000, along with the disaggregated and corresponding figures for its five boroughs-Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island-over the same time span.

benchmark 标准，度量

given benchmark years of…

boroughs 纽约官方区名

括号换破折号

Overall, the city underwent an exponential growth during the given period. While Manhattan initially overwhelmingly dominant, its relative demographic significance diminished as the outer four boroughs expanded dramatically.

动态优先写趋势

New York City 增长明显

undergo an exponential growth 指数级别增长
Manhattan initially overwhelmingly dominant

its relative demographic significance diminished

对比 make comparison【while】

其他四个区域后来居上 the outer four boroughs expanded dramatically

记得写完检查时态

复合图，写作思路清晰：每段写一个图

New York City’s total population experienced a upward trajectory during the given period, rising dramatically from 79,216 in 1800 to 2,437,202 in 1900 before, demonstrating its transformation into an international megacity.

国际化大都市

trajectory 抛物线，同义替换trend

Turning to the second table, Manhattan, which accommodated 60,515 residents (city dwellers)-or 76% of the total population in New York City-its population shot up dramatically to 1,850,093 in 1900 before dipping to 1,538,096 in 2000, with its share decreasing to 54% and then to 19%. This long-term shift underscores Manhattan’s decentralisation in demographic pattern.

同义替换 city dwellers/residents

decentralisation 去中心化

Regarding boroughs-level data, the combined figure for four other remaining districts expanded increased substantially and continuously, increasing from 18,701 in 1800 to 6,471,089 in 2000. A similar pattern can be seen in its share, rising from 24% to 81% during the same period, illustrating its increasing demographic importance over time.

ChatGPT评分

一、前提说明（很重要）

你现在的假设是：

所有 typo 已修正

✅ three benchmark year → three benchmark years
✅ overwhelming dominant → overwhelmingly dominant

明显的 冠词 / 时态 / 主谓一致等基础语法错误已全部修正

内容、结构、信息选择不变

句子仍然是原来的句法复杂度（没有大拆句）

在这个前提下，我们只看 “修正后文本”。

二、修正后按四项标准重新评分

1️⃣ Task Achievement：7.5（接近 8，但不到）

为什么上涨了：

数据覆盖完整

Overview 清晰，趋势判断正确

不再因为用词错误影响“理解准确性”

为什么仍然不到 8：

exponential growth 仍然概念偏重（即使语法正确）

Overview 中判断略显“评价化”，而非纯描述

结尾缺乏一个再次概括全局趋势的收束句

📌 考官视角：

“This is a good overview, but not maximally precise or restrained.”

2️⃣ Coherence & Cohesion：7.0–7.5

修正 typo 后：

可读性有所提升

不再被低级错误打断

但根本问题依旧存在：

信息密度仍然过高

曼哈顿那一段仍是 “超长复合句 + 插入信息”

对比关系更多是隐含，而非显性标注（whereas / by contrast）

📌 这项是你“被卡 8”的关键原因之一。

3️⃣ Lexical Resource：8.0

这是修正后最亮的一项。

原因：

boroughs / demographic significance / decentralisation 使用精准

同义替换自然（residents / city dwellers / accommodated）

没有明显误搭配后，词汇“冒险成本”大幅降低

📌 如果单看词汇，这篇已经是 8 分水平。

4️⃣ Grammatical Range & Accuracy：7.5

为什么上不去 8：

虽然“错误”修掉了，但：

长句仍然偏多
破折号结构在 Task 1 中偏书面学术，不是最优选择【存疑】

Band 8 要求的是：

“the majority of sentences are error-free and well-controlled”

📌 你现在是 “正确，但不够稳”。

三、修正后综合评分（真实考场）

🎯 综合评分：7.5（稳），在宽松考官下可碰到 8.0

更精确地说：

保守考官：7.5

中性 / 稍宽松考官：7.5–8.0

严格考官：仍不会给稳定 8

❗但：

现在已经完全是 “合格高分范文”

与你给出的 9 分改写示例 的差距，已经不是“错误”，而是写作策略层面的差距

四、为什么「修正错误 ≠ 直接上 8」

这是很多 7.5 写作者的误区，我用一句话总结：

7.5 → 8.0 不是靠“改错”，而是靠“减负”。

也就是说：

少一点“炫技词”

多一点“对比显性化”

把一两句超长句拆掉

哪怕只拆 1 句，8 的稳定性都会明显提高。

五、结论（给你一个非常实在的判断）

修正 typo 和语法后：

✅ 词汇 = 8

✅ 任务完成 = 7.5+

❌ 连贯 & 语法控制 = 卡 8 的瓶颈

最终定位：高 7.5，边缘 8.0，而不是 8.5。

如果你愿意，我可以只改 2 句话，不动整体结构，直接把它推成稳定 8，而且你能一眼看懂“为什么”。

✏️ 修改点一（Overview 段 —— 降低风险词 + 提高准确度）

❌ 原句

Overall, the city underwent an exponential growth during the given period. While Manhattan initially overwhelmingly dominant, its relative demographic significance diminished as the outer four boroughs expanded dramatically.

✅ 修改后

Overall, the city underwent substantial population growth during the given period. While Manhattan was initially overwhelmingly dominant, its relative demographic significance diminished as the outer four boroughs expanded dramatically.

🎯 为什么这一改“值钱”

exponential growth → substantial population growth

去掉“概念过重、易被考官质疑”的词
回归 Task 1 安全高频趋势表达

加上 was

消除潜在的结构不完整风险

信息完全不变，但专业度和稳健度显著提升

📌 这是从 7.5 拉向 8 的关键一句。

✏️ 修改点二（Manhattan 段 —— 拆一句，降低阅读负担）

❌ 原句

Turning to the second table, Manhattan, which accommodated 60,515 residents—or 76% of the total population in New York City—its population shot up dramatically to 1,850,093 in 1900 before dipping to 1,538,096 in 2000, with its share decreasing to 54% and then to 19%.

✅ 修改后（只拆，不加新信息）

Turning to the second table, Manhattan accommodated 60,515 residents in 1800, accounting for 76% of New York City’s total population. Its population then rose sharply to 1,850,093 in 1900 before declining to 1,538,096 in 2000, with its share falling to 54% and subsequently to 19%.

🎯 为什么这一改直接“上档”

消除了 结构性语法风险（原句 technically 不稳）

把“堆在一起的信息”拆成两步走

用：

accounting for
then
before
with

明确时间和逻辑顺序

📌 这是考官最喜欢的“well-controlled sentence structure”。

Kidden 自己打分

Task Achievement 8

Coherence and Cohesion 8

Lexical Resource 词汇资源 7-8 (decentralisation, megacity, illustrating, demographic importance)

Gramatical Range and Accuracy 7-8（with独立主格、伴随状语、被动语态、连词使用）

Overall 7.5-8

总结

1️⃣ 同义替换 / 词汇选择

数据和比例相关

proportions → percentage / share of the total population

representing + 数值/比例 → accounting for + 占比

house + 数值 residents → have / contain / accommodate + 居民数量

experienced a marked increase → saw a significant rise / increased substantially

combined figure → 描述多个地区的合计人口

the combined figure for the other four boroughs

relative demographic significance

→ 高级但仍在 Task 1 可接受范围内，用于描述“占比重要性”

demographic importance

→ 用于总结人口占比变化的影响（安全）

The growth of the outer boroughs illustrates their increasing demographic importance over time.

ChatGPT提醒：这些词更适合放在 Overview 或结尾句，不宜高频反复使用。

你想表达的意思	推荐用法
曼哈顿占比下降	relative demographic significance diminished
其他区占比上升	demographic importance increased
Overview 对比	relative demographic significance
结尾趋势总结	demographic importance

区域名称

borough → districts

Borough 是 NYC 官方行政区划术语（Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island）
District 在 NYC 官方行政区中不使用，多用于选区或学区
Task 1 学术化写作中推荐使用 borough

outer four boroughs
→ 非常地道、非常“考官友好”的统称方式
Manhattan vs the outer four boroughs

时间段表达

over the same period → from 1800 to 2000 / over the two centuries

at the beginning of the period → in 1800

over time → during the period / gradually

across three given benchmark years of …

→ 非常适合Introduction

→ 尤其是多时间点表格（非连续年份）

long-term shift → 用于 200 年这种跨度，非常合适

2️⃣ 逻辑结构与段落衔接

概括/Overview 段

使用逻辑关联词：Overall, 【开头】/ whereas/while【对比】

描述趋势：

“Manhattan’s share of the population declined over time, whereas the other four boroughs experienced a marked increase in both absolute numbers and proportion.”

动态表格：优先写“趋势”

对比和强调

make comparison 是 Task 1 的“意识问题”，不是语言问题
写作时始终在脑中保持：
Manhattan → 对比 → outer four boroughs

In contrast 明确拉出对比

while / whereas 用于同一句中制造结构性对比

描述上升或下降：increased substantially / grew steadily / experienced a marked increase

描述人口分布：Manhattan accounted for X% of the city’s population

数据表达

rising from … in (年份) to … in (年份)

reaching + 数据 by + 年份 and accounting for + 占比数值 of the total population

of which + 主语 + housed + 数值 residents → 描述具体人口

combined population increased from … to …

A similar pattern can be seen in its share

→ 用于“数值 + 占比”双线重复趋势时，非常自然

undergo+ 名词化趋势

underwent substantial population growth ✔️

marked / substantial / significant → 强调变化幅度

absolute numbers and proportion → 同时描述数量和占比

absolute numbers 和 relative numbers

1️⃣ Absolute numbers（绝对数 / 实际数量）

指 具体的、实际的人数或数值，不考虑总量比例。

例子：

“Manhattan housed 1,850,000 residents in 1900.” → 这是 绝对数

2️⃣ Relative numbers / relative figures（相对数 / 比例数）

指 相对于总体或总量的比例 / 百分比

常用在描述人口占比、份额、百分比变化等

例子：

“Manhattan accounted for 54% of the city’s population.” → 这是 相对数
可以用 proportion / percentage / share of the total 替代 relative numbers，更学术化，更自然